A Chat with Dad

“Come over here, son, and sit next to me a while”

“Alright, dad. Is everything okay?”

“Of course, it is! You’re always such a good kid. There’s just something important I need to talk to you about.”

“Okay, dad. What’s up?”

“Well, you’re eight years old now and it’s time for you to know some very important things. Grown up things. Some things that are very important to remember as you grow older.”

“This sounds important.”

“Oh, it is. Now, what have I always told you about kindness?”

“That we must always be kind to others. Kindness is one of the three Obedi… Obedices… Obediences.”

“Wow! You’re so smart to remember that. You’re a great kid. What are the other two Great Obediences?”

“Well… We must always be kind. We must give what we have to help those in need. And must never, ever eat any chocolate.”

“Nice! Gimme five, son! Ha ha! You’re always on top of it. But it’s important to also know *why* the Great Obediences are important and that’s what I want to talk to you about. We’re not mindless. There are reasons for these things.”

“Is this about the aliens, dad?”

“It sure is, son.”

“This is so cool. I love aliens”

“As you know, the Xemoms watch the Earth from their cloaked ships every moment of every day from every corner of the Earth. They see everything. They know everything. In fact, we are being watched right now. Why do they do that?”

“To see if we’re worthy.”

“That’s right, son. The Galactic Counsel is determining whether or not humanity should be destroyed.”

“They want to see if we’re nice enough to be part of the Space City?”

“Wow, what a great observation. Very true. They want to see if we’re nice enough.”

“But why can’t we eat chocolate cake?”

“Because the Xemoms have forbidden it.”

“But why?”

“Hmm. Now listen very carefully, my son. Asking questions is good but we should never, ever question the Xemoms.”

“But why not?”

“Because they will destroy us if we do. Our tiny human minds cannot understand the huge understanding power of the Xemoms. So we just have to believe and obey.”


“Enough now, son. We can ask questions, that’s important. But there’s a difference between asking questions and rebellion.”

“Okay. Sorry dad.”

“Keep your mind on the straight path at all times, son. Now, what do you say?”

“I was properly instructed but I forgot my place.”

“That’s a good boy. Now for the hard part. You are old enough now to tell the world about the Xemoms. Do you want to tell the world about them with me?”

“Yes! Yes! I don’t want us all to be destroyed!”

“You’re such a kind boy. See, that’s the real meaning of the Obediences. The Earth is not a kind place. The Earth is not a sharing place. The Earth eats chocolate all the time. We are failing and the Xemoms are ready to destroy us all.”

“Oh no! That’s terrible. We must tell everyone!”

“Yes, son. We must. Would it be kind if we didn’t tell people they were going to be destroyed?”

“No, it sure wouldn’t.”

“So, to follow the Obediences, to be kind, we MUST tell the world.”

“I will! I will!”

“Wonderful. You must tell all your friends to be kind, to share, and MOST of all to STOP EATING CHOCOLATE CAKE.”

“They won’t like that.”

“No, they won’t son. But you must tell them no matter what. Maybe they will laugh at you. Maybe they will call you stupid. Maybe they will call you crazy. But you have to keep saying it. Then maybe they will even become angry with you. And call you mean and dumb. But who is more powerful and frightening, the mighty Xemoms or your puny friends?”

“The Xemoms.”

“You’re such a clever boy. And the Xemoms have also promised us that if we stand firm, even if we lose all of our friends and everyone hates us, after we die we can live with them forever on their spaceships and go to the Great Space City. Isn’t that great?”


“So, tell everyone. And stay strong. Only a weak person, only a shallow evil person would care so much about being liked by others to be too scared to tell the world about the coming Judgement. Do you understand?”

“Yes, dad.”

“Okay, last. We have to talk about your friend Fred. He’s your best friend right?”

“Yeah. He’s great”

“Well, I talked to Fred’s parents about how eating chocolate will bring us all to judgement and destruction and they got really mad at me. That’s what we Xemomists must suffer through. Anyway, they told me not to talk about the Xemoms around Fred. They don’t want us to tell your friend about the Aliens who will destroy him.”


“So, you can’t be Fred’s friend anymore.”

“But that’s…”

“It’s okay. He’s going to be destroyed in the Final Days. We’ll find you a friend who knows about the Xemoms.”

“But Fred’s my FRIEND!”

“Well, not anymore. How about Alice? She could be your friend. Her mother knows about the Xemoms.”

“She’s 17 years old and home schooled.”

“Well, about that. You see, I went to the School Board and demanded that the Xemoms and the Truth about chocolate be added to the school curriculum. They said no way. I said that if they didn’t I would start a big movement and pull students out of the school. Well, they all laughed at me.”

“Did it work?”

“No. I talked to many parents and they all said I was crazy. Silly Earthlings. But the Xemoms demand we never lie, so I’m pulling you out of school and you’ll study at home with me. Won’t that be fun? We can spend so much time together.”

“But what about all my friends at school? What about Mrs. Jackson? I really like her.”

“They’re going to be destroyed by the Xemoms. Especially Mrs. Jackson for teaching you that eating chocolate is okay. Does that sound like a  kind thing to say to you? It doesn’t sound kind to me to lie to children like that. Tell them things that will destroy them. We don’t want you around people who eat chocolate and lie to you, do we?”

“But they’re kind and they share!”

“Now, don’t cry. That’s weakness. The Xemoms hate that. They won’t love you if you don’t stand strong. Sure, maybe your friends at school are kind and share but if they eat chocolate and get destroyed what does that matter?”

“Are you sure about this, dad?”

“Of course, I’m sure. I’m your father and I know what’s best for you. What’s best for you is to be hated by the world, kept in the house away from society, while I fill that beautiful mind with everything you need to know about the Xemoms. I love you and if you love me, you’ll obey me.”

“Yes, dad.”

“I love you, son.”

“I love you too, dad.”

“And the Xemoms.”

“And the Xemoms.”

2 thoughts on “A Chat with Dad

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